Keeping Your Marriage Strong

Here is another installment featuring some “womanly wisdom” from various ladies from our home church. Though these dear ladies have been married for varying lengths of time, each one has exemplified to me how a Godly wife should live and have been a great testimony to me! I hope you will be blessed by their words. 

Check back next month for Part 2, where we hear from these same ladies about some practical ways they have prioritized time with their spouses.




 “The absolute first thing that matters most in our marriage is that we prioritize our individual walk with God. I cannot stress the importance of this enough. If we are individually submitting to God, we have grace for the other person's shortcomings and also can easily repent if a personal sin arises.”



“Be willing to apologize and admit when you are wrong. The humility required to ask forgiveness goes a long way. Sometimes going even farther to tell him specifically how you want or need to change in order to be doing your role correctly according to God’s Word. Communication is key! It’s so important to just TALK! Assuming, hiding things, jumping to conclusions all are detrimental to your marriage. They are so easy to do, but oh so hurtful to your marriage. Taking the time to stop your thoughts from going that far and calmly and lovingly asking or explaining what just happened in a manner that gives the benefit of the doubt creates a bond in your marriage instead of a ripping each other apart. It’s such a satisfying feeling when you both can just simply talk through something without getting angry, raising your voice, or saying hurtful things.”


“Both my husband and I are firm believers in Matthew 6:33, ‘but seek ye first the kingdom of God & His righteousness & all these things shall be added unto you.’ We believe if we put God first, as a couple, then the rest will fall into place. Coming to church as a couple is good, but it’s more important to be in a ministry together. We both have a heart for souls & we want our marriage to be for a purpose to reach more people for Christ. It’s very evident from this world, that love alone, can’t sustain a marriage, but Jesus can. Someone told me once “if you serve together, you will stay together.” It’s such a simple truth & as a couple we try to practice it & it has worked for the last 5 years.”


“Choosing to do good toward my husband and not evil has been an important part of our marriage. This can be evidenced in what kind of thoughts I think toward him, and what kind of words I speak to him or about him to others. Maintaining an attitude of forgiveness and not holding grudges is also a way that I strive to do good toward my husband. My husband isn’t perfect, but neither am I! Prioritizing our relationship above other relationships with friends, parents or children has also been key.”



“After we had our first child our pediatrician encouraged us to keep dating. He reminded us that one day all the kids will leave and you don’t want to wake up next to someone you don’t even know! Wow, what a powerful thought to keep your spouse a priority.”


“Only by God’s grace!  Honestly, I mess up on a daily basis and I have no other answer but God’s working in each of our lives!  Thankful to have been told about the marriage triangle early in our saved years. The illustration shows that as we each draw near to God and cultivate that relationship, we grow closer to each other!  On a more practical sense, as saved wives we are called to submission. It’s a very challenging thing!  But with God all things are possible. My job is to yield any time I have an opportunity to do so. This makes me come to the Lord very often for help!  When we take God at his word, we know that we can trust Him, that He will take care of us, and give us an expected end. There is such comfort and protection in that!  Asking my husband on a daily basis, “Is there anything you need me to do for you?”  lets him know that I want to be a help to him, and that he means a great deal to me. Then, making sure to do that as quickly as possible so other things don’t get in the way of accomplishing what he mentions as his need. Valuing him and his preferences. They are just that, preferences. Not reading into things or looking for hidden meanings. There is one thing I do on purpose that I think makes a difference in our marriage, laughing. Yes, laughing!  There are times when a comment is made and I choose laughter over being offended. Then I follow by telling him that I love him. After all, love is a choice!


“One of the main things I have learned is to understand his “love language.” What makes him tick? Men and women are wired differently. By treating him with respect, and not selfishly trying to manipulate him to satisfy my own wants and have my own way, he, in turn, responds and acts in ways that show he desires to make me happy.”


“I can only give credit to the Lord! Sometimes we want to do what we want to do but remembering the needs of your spouse before your own is a better idea!”



“First, I think the answer starts with my view or perspective of my marriage. We began marriage as a couple of self-centered people who wanted what they wanted and if the other person was able to fulfill my expectations that was good. If not well then there was a problem… with them. Needless to say our marriage was definitely headed toward destruction…. Then Jesus came. He changed everything. Over the years we have both realized, increasingly, so as time goes by, what a precious gift our marriage is, given to us ONLY by God’s Mercy and Grace. We are sinners and are keenly aware of our own faults and inadequacies. Both of us feel humbled that each would love the other so much. A saying we heard at a couple’s conference years ago was “Expectations ruin relationships.” It is true. I will be disappointed that my husband doesn’t measure up to the expectation I have in my mind of what he “should” be like in any given area. If I don’t turn loose of it, I will become discontent and ungrateful. We have learned to accept and love one another unconditionally, all the while striving to become what God wants us to be. God gave THIS MAN to ME! What an incredible gift. We are still smitten with each other and our relationship takes second place ONLY to God. We strive to pray together as often as we can. We pray for each other.


“Remember that I married a sinner, just like I am a sinner. If I expect him to be perfect, I will always be disappointed.”


Want to Dig a Little Deeper? Check out these resources recommended by our Pastor’s wife, Alison Hammett

The Blessing by John Trent and Gary Smaller

Fierce Woman: The Power of a Soft Warrior by Kimberly Wagner

Creative Counterpart by Linda Dillow

The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex by Sheila Gregorie

Sheet Music by Kevin Lehman

The DNA of Relationships by Gary Smalley

Pastor Roland Hammett’s messages on the family

SM Davis messages on the family


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