Over the past months, I’ve had a few conversations with some friends who are also single. They talk with yearning about being married, with a wistful look in their eye. Though they may not intend to come across this way, their conversation betrays discontentment. They comment hopefully, “I’m sure God has someone just around the corner for me” or “It’s so hard to watch my friends get married” or “I just keep getting older” or “When will my time come?”
Meanwhile both of my younger brothers proposed marriage to their sweet ladies over the past couple weeks. I’m quite beyond excited for them! The recent proposals have prompted several well-meaning ladies to encourage me with the words, “Your time will come.” Though I understand their heart behind those words, as they look at their happy marriage and wish the same for me, I would like to respectfully disagree.
My time will not come.
“Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.” Ephesians 5:16
After marriage of course, there is the expectation to have children. And after having a child, a new mother will undoubtedly hear, “Just you wait till they’re in school, have their driver’s permit, graduate high school, leave for college, get married, give you grandchildren!” So what is the end goal really? When will it be “my time?”
I have wrestled with this idea, and am excited to share my thoughts with you ladies – single, married, mothers, widows alike.
My time is now.
Marriage does not equal the climax of my life.
Today I can wake up and speak an encouraging word to my sister. Today I can make a meal for a mom with sick kids. Today I can treat an exhausted mama friend to an at-home manicure and grown-up conversation while her kiddos nap. Today I can take the weekend off to fly across the country to visit my nephew. Today I can bring a cup of coffee to a sleep-deprived new mom. Today I can bake cookies with a friend and bring them to a shut-in church member. Today I can babysit for a friend so she can have a quiet date night with her husband. Today I can text a far-away friend to let her know I miss her.
My life won’t begin when and if I get married. In fact, in some ways, marriage will hinder my ability to invest my time and energy in others, since as a wife, I would be investing my time and energy into my husband.
A good friend of mine recently confided that since getting married and having two young children, she is the loneliest she has ever been. Her husband works full time, and her children don’t provide much yet in the way of intelligent conversation. From my single perspective, it seems like she is living the ideal life – married with kids. But from her perspective, she is lonely and would love the opportunities to socialize that I have.
“To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.”Ecclesiastes 3:1
What a privilege this single life is! I make my own schedule, manage my own finances, and have the freedom to spend time with friends!
In fact, as I seek to be a blessing to other ladies, I have been astounded at how many times I have been the one blessed. As I listen to my married friends, I pick up little clues about their healthy relationship, and log things in my brain as qualities I would seek in a future husband. As I watch my mama friends train their little ones, I notice and appreciate their demeanor as they exhibit God’s love to their children. I learn so much from my married and mama friends, and overall it has taught me to appreciate my single life!
Your time is now!
“For I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.”Philippians 4:11b
If you are yearning to be married, I encourage you to befriend some happily married ladies. If you are praying for children to be added to your family, I encourage you to find a way to be a blessing to a family who has children. If your children are all grown, I encourage you to converse with single ladies about anything other than why they’re not married yet – trust me, there’s so much more to my life than finding a husband!
The goodness of God led Amanda to repentance when she was a 12-year-old girl, and despite a heart prone to wander, He daily draws her to Himself. She continues to attend Lehigh Valley Baptist Church where she was raised, and enjoys sharing what God is teaching her on her instagram account (@mandyncoffee22). When Amanda isn’t working or sleeping, she is usually trying a new crockpot recipe, sipping a coffee delicacy, or finding an excuse to show off pictures of her cutie-pie niece & nephews.